


Implosion

by Lir_Soracia



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Big Damn Heroes, Don't Like Don't Read, Eventual Malace, Eventual Threesome, Feelings, Fluff, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, M/M, Magic, Meet-Cute, Parabatai Bond, Pining of a sort, Prophecy, Smut, Soul Bond, Warlock Magnus Bane, Weirdness, angelic interference, idek, too many italics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-12-09 02:49:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20987591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lir_Soracia/pseuds/Lir_Soracia
Summary: When Alec first meets Magnus Bane, it's a shock of sorts. Not because Magnus is flamboyant, glittery, the most beautiful man Alec has ever seen, and fills up a room with his presence even more than Jace does, though all of those things are true - but because he's heard a lot about him, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and well. He's not sure what he'd been expecting, but whatever it was, it isn't what he gets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PhoenixStar73](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixStar73/gifts).

> so I.... don't know what this is. it's NOT a soulmate fic, but something is obviously going on. maybe magic, maybe the touch of an angel, maybe something I haven't thought of yet. whatever it is, Alec is just as confused as I am. if you'd like to see more of it and get an explanation, you know what to do. ;)

When Alec first meets Magnus Bane, it's a shock of sorts. Not because Magnus is flamboyant, glittery, the most beautiful man Alec has ever seen, and fills up a room with his presence even more than Jace does, though all of those things are true - but because he's heard a lot about him, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and well. He's not sure what he'd been expecting, but whatever it was, it isn't what he gets.

The first thing that strikes him, as he and Magnus approach each other, is that when their eyes meet he suddenly realises that he  _ knows _ him, in some inexplicable way - knows that almost everything he's heard has been wrong. Knows this man's  _ soul  _ on sight, like his eyes reached  _ into  _ that warm brown gaze and saw something ineffable, something core to existence - who he is and what he's like, as a person, how he thinks, what his motivations are. 

He's still feeling a little dazed by this realisation and the confusion of it when Magnus stops in front of him, and they shake hands. The warm shock of  _ touch  _ brings him back to reality, and he manages to greet the man like a sane and normal person. 

Then - he doesn't know what happens then. He introduced himself as Alec, like he always does. But--

"Alexander," Magnus nearly purrs, and Alec feels like he's been hit by a train.  _ What just happened?  _

The sound licks through his entire body like a flame, lighting little tingles on every nerve and leaving warmth crawling through his veins. He can't think. He can't move. He can only stare into those brown eyes, entranced and wide-eyed. Their hands are still clasped between them, forgotten. 

He hears himself finally reply,  _ "Magnus,"  _ and even to his own ears it sounds reverent, and longing.  _ No seriously, what the fuck just happened?  _

Magnus' eyes widen and flash gold at the sound of it, and Alec wonders distantly if it gave him anything like the same feeling, hearing Alec say his name. If he's maybe losing his mind, and it's just him, whatever  _ this  _ is. But the eyes are brown again as they search his face, intent in a way no one has ever looked at him before. As if Magnus can see  _ his  _ soul, too. The thought makes him feel flayed open, exposed, but somehow it's not a bad feeling, and he shivers. 

The grip on his hand tightens, at that, and he can  _ see  _ Magnus debating something in his head, some decision he's making, and Alec feels breathless wondering what the choice is, what the result will be. It feels  _ important,  _ to him, on a personal level, as if it is  _ about  _ him. It probably is. 

The moment spins out like fine glass - one heartbeat, two, three - and then it shatters. 

A hand grips his shoulder, sharply, fingers digging in to yank him around to face - his mother. Oh. 

"Alec!" she says angrily. It sounds like it's not the first time she said his name, and he winces. "What is  _ wrong  _ with you, pay attention when I am speaking to you!" He mumbles an apology, not knowing what to say, how to explain. Dear Raziel, his mother is the last person he  _ wants  _ to try to explain it to. 

"I said, whatever you two are talking about can wait. I asked you to show him around while he fixes the wards, get to work, please!" She flicks a glance at Magnus to include him in the barely polite request, and Alec can  _ see  _ how hard she has to work to keep her face from showing the disdain and dislike she feels. 

He knows she hates warlocks, Magnus in particular, so it's not like he's surprised, but. Somehow the sight of it makes him suddenly, blindly  _ angry,  _ angrier than he's ever been in his life. He only just manages to stay in control, keeping his face blank and his nod short and sharp. 

She walks away, and he is still frozen with rage, unable to think past it when a soft touch on his elbow comes - and his body immediately relaxes, completely, like someone cut his strings, before he even recognises consciously who and what the touch must be. 

"Magnus," he sighs out, having zero control over how his voice sounds and not really caring as he turns toward the warlock again and sees the warm smile on his face. The  _ knowing  _ look in his eyes, and again a flicker of gold at Alec's voice. 

"Perhaps we should do as she suggests," Magnus says with an air of picking his words carefully, as if he'd much rather say something else. 

"I - yeah," Alec agrees like a sane, rational person, instead of asking  _ any  _ of the questions burning in his mind. Did Magnus even notice, or feel, whatever that was? Did they both get hit by a train and scrambled, or is it just him? 

_ What in Raziel's name just happened to him?  _

There are no answers forthcoming as he leads Magnus down the hall. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh so again, I am updating something that is not Aegis, but that will be next, I promise! it will be up tonight sometime. ^^; in the meantime, here is this, with only a little bit of answers but a lot of hope :)

Alec felt mesmerised as he watched Magnus' hands moving gracefully, glowing blue as he tended the wards. Beautiful hands covered in rings, and Alec had to suppress a shiver as he wondered how they would feel against his skin. Why was he even thinking about that?

He couldn't explain why he felt so drawn to this man, nor why he thought that no matter how close he got, it wouldn't be close enough. Something inside him tingled and ached for something he couldn't name.

"So what time are you free tonight?" Magnus' quiet voice broke into his thoughts and Alec blinked at him in surprise.

"I uh... have patrol until midnight," he answered slowly, confused.

"And after that? Could you get away and come see me?" Magnus was watching his own hands, focused on the work he was doing, but Alec got the feeling that it wasn't really holding his attention.

"Why?" he asked blankly, unable to imagine why this fascinating man would want to see him.

Magnus turned slightly and raised an eyebrow at him. "You know why," he said pointedly.

Alec blushed and cursed himself for it. "I - I thought maybe that was just me," he muttered, still finding it hard to believe that he could have had an effect on Magnus.

Turning fully to face him, Magnus reached up and laid a hand on his cheek. "Not just you," he said softly, his eyes dark and intense.

Alec swallowed hard, leaning into the touch involuntarily and wondering when he'd stopped breathing.

"Okay," he whispered finally, lifting a trembling hand to lay on Magnus' chest. So firm and hard and defined, it made a spark of arousal tingle in his gut, and he swallowed a groan.

"Okay?" Magnus echoed, those intense golden brown eyes searching his face. "You'll come? After midnight?"

Alec nodded, unable to manage words. His eyes flickered down to Magnus' mouth involuntarily, getting caught on the thought of kissing those lips, wondering almost dizzily how that would feel. Even the thought of it was overwhelming, but he _ wanted. _Needed to somehow get closer, to feel and embrace and sink in to the warmth of Magnus' shining soul.

Did Magnus, could he possibly feel the same way? Was this really happening to both of them, this draw and fascination, the need for connection? Alec hardly dared to hope, he felt caught in a whirlwind, not sure of what he even wanted. His quiet, ordinary life had just been hit by a cyclone, and he didn't know which way was out. But he knew one thing - this ache, this need he couldn't resist.

"I'll come," he promised, his voice rough and low. Magnus visibly shivered at the sound, and slowly smiled at him. The light of it lanced through Alec and pierced his heart.

"Good," Magnus said softly, still smiling, and Alec felt dazed, helplessly smiling back. "I'll be waiting," Magnus assured him, his own voice going low and husky. Alec _ached_, and trembled, not sure how he was still standing.

"I need to finish this," Magnus said apologetically, letting his hand drift away from Alec's face and taking a step back, causing Alec's own hand to fall from his chest. He waved at the wards, bringing them visible again and turning reluctantly to deal with them.

Alec took a deep breath, not moving, just breathing in and holding it, centering himself and trying to focus. The wards, Magnus was working, he needed to finish his work. Everything else, the connection and the need, the touching, it would have to wait.

But hopefully, maybe, tonight would be... the right time and place. Maybe they could... Alec couldn't think about it, couldn't imagine it or he was really going to lose his mind, right here in the institute.

Instead he breathed deeply again, focusing on the air moving on and out of his lungs, absently watching the graceful dance of Magnus' blue-lit hands as he worked.

They remained silent for the rest of Magnus' visit, Magnus working steadily through the building and Alec following silently, watching and trying not to think. Mesmerised still, and fascinated, hoping for something he couldn't even name.

When they reached the end and headed back into Ops to report to Maryse, Magnus paused just outside of the main area, drawing Alec back into the shadow of a column.

"I'll see you tonight," he said intensely, looking into Alec's eyes like he could see right through him, and Alec shivered, biting his lip against a sound that would give him away.

"Tonight," he agreed roughly, catching Magnus' hand and squeezing hard. He nodded firmly, and Magnus eased a little with something like relief. The smile on his face did terrible things to Alec's heart, but he smiled back anyway, and for a moment they just stood there, looking and holding on as they had when they'd met - a fragile, breathless moment spinning out between them like the finest spider's web, tying them together in a way that was both nothing, and everything.

Eventually Magnus swore in a language Alec didn't know, his grip tightening on Alec's hand before he tore himself away. He turned and marched into Ops to find Maryse, letting her know the job was done and making arrangements for payment.

Alec followed slowly, standing some distance away from them at parade rest, his hands linked behind his back. And he stood there silently, unmoving as Magnus settled his business with his mother and turned to leave, barely glancing at Alec as he did so.

Their eyes met just briefly, and Alec saw, knew, _ felt _ the ache and yearning in both of their souls, but this was not the time or the place, so he stayed as he was, clenching his hands behind his back and gritting his teeth as Magnus slipped past him and out of his life. Gone. The emptiness swept through him, suddenly stabbing him with fear. What if he never saw Magnus again? What if this was all just a fantasy? What if this was nothing and he'd made it all up in his head?

His soul screamed, and he breathed hard with the pain of it, but he didn't move, trying to let go of the maelstrom of emotions and focus on his own work to do. He was a Shadowhunter, he was needed to kill demons and protect the mundanes, that was his life. He didn't have time right now to think and imagine and wonder at the incredible thing that was Magnus Bane, looking at him and _ seeing, _ right through him like Alec had never been seen before. Seeing, and somehow, wanting.

That would all have to wait. Midnight, he reminded himself, and clung to it like a mantra. He just had to make it to midnight. When his mother came back with his orders, he nodded sharply and went to comply. Fight demons. Protect and serve.

Midnight would come.


	3. Chapter 3

Midnight was a long time coming. It was, in fact, ten whole hours away, and while the time was largely filled with missions and training and patrol, Alec found himself distracted, losing his focus far too often. 

He found himself thinking about Magnus' eyes and the way they'd looked into him, that smile that practically slayed him, the way it had felt to have that strong hand holding tightly to his own, or the hard warmth of Magnus' chest beneath his fingers. 

The sound of his voice saying,  _ come see me _ , the husky  _ I'll be waiting,  _ or that deeply intense  _ I'll see you tonight.  _ Just the memory of Magnus' voice sent heat curling through him, sharp flares of arousal he couldn't ignore. 

Jace had utterly lost patience with him by the time they left for their evening patrol, and Alec didnt really blame him - he was a little out of patience with himself, too. Why couldn't he get the warlock out of his head? They'd only just met, just once, and hadn't really talked that much, it was ridiculous. 

He didn't even know if Magnus liked him that way, if whatever connection they had included that kind of attraction. It had seemed like it, there in the hallway, but that could just be wishful thinking. 

And speaking of wishful thinking, the few times in his day when Alec had nothing to do he would daydream a shockingly vivid encounter that involved far less clothing and more skin, way more touching, and ended up with his face on fire as he shook himself out of it, and a definite problem in his pants. 

Fortunately he hadn't actually had that much time to himself today, but all in all by now Alec was heartily annoyed with himself for thinking about things he'd always sworn to himself were off limits - letting himself actually consider and contemplate the way he was attracted to someone, the things about them that he liked, indulging the side of himself that he kept so tightly locked down. The hidden secret feelings that told him he was never going to look at a girl like that, that meant he was always going to be different - too different, unacceptably so. 

He'd never had so much trouble controlling himself before, and he stalked moodily along beside Jace as they walked the streets, frowning at everything and hating himself a little. He was defective, really, there was something wrong with him as a Shadowhunter. 

He wondered vaguely what his life would have been like if he had been someone else, something else, with the freedom to be with whoever he wanted. If he didn't have to hide the way he looked at and noticed other men, finding them beautiful or attractive in a way that girls never were for him. He sighed deeply. Pointless maundering. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Jace offered, giving him a look of concern, and Alec merely shook his head. "You're gonna get yourself hurt if you keep going on like this," Jace pointed out in slight exasperation. 

Alec shrugged, wishing they would run into some demons and get him out of this conversation. He knew that Jace could tell through their bond that something serious was bothering him, and he probably wasn't going to let it go, but Alec didn't know what to tell him. Jace didn't know he was gay, and he'd prefer to keep it that way. 

"I'm fine," he insisted, and Jace shot him a look of pure disbelief. 

"You know you can tell me, right?" Jace told him, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "Whatever it is, I'm not gonna judge you. You're my brother, I'm here for you, and I always will be."

Alec suppressed his first and second reaction to that, staying quiet and finally saying, "I know." 

He didn't really believe it, but he knew that Jace did and he didn't want to hurt his brother's feelings with his bitterness. 

Fortunately they did run into some demons soon after, and Jace finally dropped it. Alec threw himself into the fight, and the one after that and the one after that, grateful for the distraction, and he tried to keep his focus only on the here and now - but the longer they were out, the closer it got to midnight, and Alec soon found himself able to think about little else. 

In spite of himself his heart raced and his body felt hot as he thought about seeing Magnus, again, he felt a little shaky and rather as if he might fly into a million pieces very suddenly. He was impatient with the last couple hours of patrol, wanting to leave and go already. 

Jace kept shooting him concerned looks, but Alec ignored his every attempt to talk about it. Eventually he felt guilty about shutting Jace out, and sighed heavily when Jace asked him why he was checking the time yet again. 

"I'm going to meet someone, after we're done," Alec explained. 

"You mean you actually have a date?" Jace asked him, looking rather shocked. 

"It's not a date," Alec said quickly. "Just a... well, I'm not sure what he wants really, but Magnus Bane asked me to come see him after my patrol." 

Jace was silent for a moment, digesting that, and then shook his head. "It sounds like a date to me," he asserted, smirking a little. 

Alec had never been so glad that his sister was not with them. He'd get skinned alive by the both of them. "It's not," he insisted, irritated. "It's just a meeting, okay?" 

"Uh-huh," Jace answered, totally unconvinced. "Whatever you say, bro. Have fun on your not-date!" he chirped, giving Alec a shove. 

"Hey!" Alec protested, but Jace merely smirked back at him and pointed at the time. Twenty minutes to midnight. 

"Go on, get out of here, lover boy," Jace teased. "I'll cover for you, don't worry. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" 

Alec shot him a dirty look. "That doesn't leave a whole lot," he pointed out dryly. 

Jace shrugged. "Just go, you're completely useless tonight, so get out of here and have fun." 

"Not sure how much fun it will be," Alec muttered, but he finally stepped off the sidewalk, waving at Jace as he cut across the street and headed off. He paused to activate his speed and stamina runes, and began to run, cutting through and around various places, taking the shortest route to Brooklyn. 

Luckily their patrol area tonight hadn't been crazy far away, and it only took him half an hour to find the address Magnus had given him. The building didn't look like much on the outside, but he pressed the buzzer and waited to be let in. 

His heart was pounding, not just from the run, and his body was tingling all over. He felt breathless in spite of the stamina rune, and couldn't think of anything else but seeing Magnus again. What was going to happen? What did Magnus want with him, really? 

Was it still going to feel like... that? 

He really couldn't breathe. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, folks, heeere comes the plot. from here on out, it's gonna get complicated! so hang on...here we go ~

When Magnus let him in, Alec hurried up the stairs and knocked on the door at the top, unsurprised but a little thrilled when it opened by itself, revealing Magnus on the other side of the room, mixing a cocktail at his drink cart. 

"Ahhh, Alexander," Magnus greeted him, looking up with a smile as Alec stepped in, the door swinging silently closed behind him. 

Alec swallowed hard and shuddered a little at the sound of his name, he wasn't sure he would ever get used to the way Magnus said it, the way it hit his system with a rush of power and need, and a kind of intimacy that licked fire along his nerve endings. 

"Hi," he managed finally, stuffing his hands in his pockets and standing awkwardly by the sofa, near enough to Magnus to feel...  _ something  _ crackling between them. "Magnus," he murmured almost breathlessly, wanting to ask, to know if Magnus could feel it too, if he knew what it was, knew  _ why...  _ but he didn't have words. 

Magnus looked up at the sound of his name, his eyes flaring gold for a long moment, long enough for Alec to see the slit pupil, the golden cats eyes, and his breath caught. They were beautiful, breathtakingly stunning, but they quickly vanished behind the glamour again. Alec mourned a little, but at least he could breathe now. 

"Care for a drink?" Magnus asked him, tilting his head as he offered a glass, and Alec shrugged and nodded, thankful his hand was steady as he accepted the glass. He wasn't much of a drinker, but he thought this was a situation that called for it. 

Magnus fixed his own drink then, and took a sip, closing his eyes briefly as he swallowed. Then he turned back to Alec, studying him with a thoughtful expression. 

"Why did you come?" he asked finally. 

Alec blinked, a little confused. "You...asked me to," he pointed out. 

Magnus nodded in a way that meant  _ yes, but...  _ "Why did you agree?" 

Blushing, Alec looked away, taking a quick gulp of his drink. He had several answers to that question, but he couldn't say all of them.  _ Because you're beautiful and kind of make me lose my mind? Because I wanted to spend time with you, be near you again, feel this again...  _ Definitely not. 

"You said I knew when I asked you why earlier," he said slowly at last. "I think you know why, too," he ventured, looking back at Magnus. 

Magnus raised an eyebrow at him and just waited. There was an odd glint in his eye, something hungry and needing, which Alec didn't know how to interpret. What kind of answer did he want? 

Finally Alec cracked under that intense look. "You said it wasn't just me," he rambled, the words tumbling out low and rough. "You feel it too, don't you? That...  _ knowing?  _ Some kind of... a connection, or... I don't know!" he burst out, his face getting hot as he ducked his head, shaking his hair into his eyes. 

"I don't know what it is," Alec whispered. "I just feel like I know you, like I need to..." He stopped abruptly, biting his lip, and took another drink from the glass in his hand, which he'd nearly spilled in his agitation. 

Magnus murmured something soft and soothing that didn't sound like words, although it could be just a language Alec didn't know. 

"You could call it a connection," he said finally in a soft, careful voice. "But knowing is probably more accurate. I would say, maybe, recognition. To be specific, as ridiculous as it sounds, your soul recognised mine." He was also looking down at his drink, not meeting Alec's eyes. 

"What, like... soulmates?" Alec asked, blinking several times. Was that really a thing? He'd never heard of it as anything more than a romantic idea. It made him blush again, thinking about Magnus as a romantic partner. Angel, what was wrong with him. 

Magnus shook his head. "Not soulmates, no, not like you're thinking. Our souls are... not two halves of a whole so much, but two parts of... or joint sources for... well, something unexplained, unfortunately." His mouth twisted ruefully, and Alec wondered again about kissing it. 

"I don't understand," Alec told him plainly, confused. 

Magnus sighed, swirling his drink, and finally looked up to.meet his eyes, looking guarded. "Well, none of it is terribly clear, to be honest. The prophecy doesn't really explain much." 

Prophecy? "What prophecy? What...what are you talking about?" Alec asked, his body tensing with uncertainty. This was certainly not how he thought this night might go. 

"There was a prophecy made a few hundred years ago, around the time of the first Shadowhunters, about a future war and a champion that would save both the Downworld and the Children of Raziel from a threat that came between them, turning them against each other," Magnus explained. "I don't have the exact text of it, I'll have to do some research, but...I'm pretty sure it's about us."

Alec stared at him for a long time, listening to the ringing in his ears. "Why... why would it be about us?" he asked blankly, his voice hoarse and a little shaken. 

Magnus shifted, looking uncomfortable. "Because the champion is... something, or someone, that requires two sources of angelic power, two souls that are...joined in some way, I think the text calls it essences bound together, two as one or something like that." 

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and then opening them again, letting his glamour fall. It was just as stunning as before, and Alec simply stared, drowning in the golden gaze. 

"One dark," Magnus said softly, as if that explained something, "and one light."

Alec's chest ached with not breathing, and he swallowed hard, trying to focus on the words, what did they mean? He dragged a breath in finally, closing his own eyes so he wouldn't get distracted by Magnus’s... everything. 

"We're angelic power sources for some kind of champion, so our souls are joined together..." Alec murmured, trying to get it straight in his head. "One dark and one light..." Well, he supposed Magnus would be dark, being a downworlder, and himself light, but...

"But you're not angelic," Alec said, opening his eyes again to look at Magnus in confusion. 

There was a short silence. "Actually," Magnus said carefully, avoiding his eyes again, "that's not exactly true."

Alec was thoroughly confused, and not sure he was buying any of this. It sounded crazy. He sipped at his drink for a few minutes, before he finally sighed and reached out with one hand, touching Magnus' jaw and turning his face back to meet his eyes again. 

Magnus looked... wary, and tired and sad, somehow, and Alec wished he knew how to make him feel better. 

"What does that mean, Magnus?" Alec asked softly, letting his hand rest along the curve of Magnus' jaw, and Magnus seemed to lean into it a bit. 

"It means..." Magnus swallowed and blinked, his glamour going up again, and his shoulders hunched a bit as if he was bracing himself. "My father," he said finally. "My father is - a Prince of Hell...a fallen angel. I have more angel blood than you do, technically." 

"Oh." Alec just blinked at him for a minute, absently stroking Magnus' cheek with his thumb while he tried to process that. A dark angel, then - and a light one, two souls to give power to this champion and save the world apparently. "So our souls know each other, because we're part of this... whatever it is, power source?" 

"Something like that," Magnus said, letting out a slow breath as some of the tension left his shoulders. He smiled wryly. "Not what you were expecting, I guess." 

Alec blushed and let his hand drop, suddenly realising what he was doing. "Um, no, not really," he agreed, finishing his drink and setting it aside. "It sounds kind of crazy," he said honestly. 

"I understand," Magnus said, biting his lip and looking unsure for the first time Alec had seen. "It's a lot to take in. I've known for awhile now that I was probably going to be one of the sources, so I've had time to think about it. You... don't have to... do anything about it right now. There's no war yet, although..." He frowned. "Something  _ is  _ coming."

Alec laughed a little hysterically. "What  _ would  _ I do about it?" he asked, shaking his head. "There's no...instructions, it doesn't say how to find this champion or what we're supposed to do, how this is even supposed to work... like, saying it's not clear is being pretty generous," he said, snorting. 

Magnus sighed, shrugging a little. "There  _ is  _ some lore and a little more information out there, but it's been a long time since I researched any of it. We...that is, if you want to, we'll have to do some digging." 

Wrinkling his nose, Alec folded his arms and turned to pace the room, trying to think about all this in some kind of rational way. Research was probably a good idea. 

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," Magnus told him, and Alec looked over at him in surprise. 

"What for?" he asked, frowning at his feet as he continued pacing. 

"That you got dragged into this mess, and tied to me, a warlock of all people, a downworlder... you must not be too happy," Magnus said. 

Alec stopped pacing and looked at him sharply, then strode over and snatched up both of his hands, Magnus having finished his own drink at some point. Alec stood just in front of him, as close as they'd been earlier in the day, and lifted their hands to cradle them against his chest. Magnus looked startled, his eyes wide, but he made no objection. 

"What I am," Alec said flatly, looking him in the eye, "is mostly confused. It's a lot, like you said, and it doesn't make a lot of sense, and why... why me and you? I don't understand any of it. But my heart knows you, now, and... there's no one I'd rather have my soul bound to. I'm glad it's you, whatever it is we're in, that you're with me."

Magnus' eyes flashed gold briefly, and his hands twisted in Alec's grasp to lay flat against his chest. Alec winced a little, knowing Magnus would feel his pounding heart, but it felt good, and he slowly moved his own hands to mirror them, laying them on Magnus' chest too. 

They stood like that for a long, long few minutes, just looking deep into each other's eyes - each other's souls, and Alec felt a little lightheaded with it, and totally breathless. It was like looking into the sun, seeing and feeling a brightness that was beyond, something more than physical, seen with his heart. 

"I want it to be you," Alec whispered, his lips tingling with how much he wanted to kiss the beautiful man before him. "I always want it to be you." 

Magnus sighed, his eyes searching Alec's face. "I'm not unhappy, either," he murmured. "I'm glad it's you. I just..." He failed to finish his sentence, and his eyes dropped, seemingly getting stuck on Alec's own mouth.

Alec trembled, aching with the need to get closer, to close that distance and offer up a kiss - but he didn't know what this was, really, if Magnus wanted that, felt like this connection was romantic or just practical, so he didn't move. 

_ Do... do you want me?  _ He couldn't ask. 


End file.
